Going into labour with a flexible mindset

A birth rarely goes the way you imagined beforehand. Although I wholeheartedly wish you your dream birth, reality often turns out to be a lot less predictable. We’ve often thought consciously about our wishes and needs and turned them into a birth plan. But there are also many unconscious expectations, desires and dynamics at play. So there’s a huge mental side to giving birth, too.

There’s a constant interplay between brain and body. When you’re relaxed, hormones such as oxytocin and endorphins are released, which give you a feeling of wellbeing and connection. When you’re stressed, adrenaline, among other things, is released so that you can fight or flee. Discomfort and fear then reinforce each other.

It’s important to stay realistic. Don’t expect to be relaxed all the time, or never to feel anxious or in pain. It’s more important that you can be with pain, anxious thoughts or emotions, without labelling them as wanted or unwanted. Give them space, let them be. You really can’t fail, and there’s no such thing as ‘doing it wrong’ during labour!

Even so, there are tools that help you train a more flexible mindset, so you can deal better with change.

• A positive attitude towards contractions makes them easier to cope with. You need them to open up and welcome your baby (assuming a vaginal birth).

• Do an awareness exercise. What thoughts and expectations do you have about your labour and the birth of your baby? Give them space. Observing them as if they were a flowing river is enough. They’re thoughts, not facts. There’s no need at all to swap unhelpful thoughts for helpful ones. Simply becoming aware of them is enough.

• You can help yourself with your breath, humming sounds, supportive phrases (mantras), visualisations and meditation. Read more about this in my blog: the power of your breath. Do keep in mind: the more you practise this during pregnancy, the better you’ll be able to use it during labour.

• Focus on what helps. Pay attention to the tools that work for you. For some women that’s breathing combined with a mantra. For others it helps to focus on the breaks rather than the contractions.

• You don’t have to do it alone. Ask your partner for support, or bring in a doula in good time. She visits you at home a few times to get to know you and go through your wishes together. She supports you from an early stage of labour and stays until after the birth. This gives you continuity of care, plus physical and emotional support.

• Stay connected with your baby. The two of you do amazing teamwork during labour, and the result is the birth of your child. Encourage your baby: being born is an intense event, but your baby can handle it.

Value realistic preparation (see also my blog: the importance of realistic birth preparation), get to know yourself and don’t be too hard on yourself. And above all, let it all go, because there’s simply no such thing as ‘doing it wrong’ during labour!

Curious how I can support you and your partner during your pregnancy and the birth of your baby (or babies)? Book a free introductory chat.

I look forward to meeting you!